It’s Here – My Clean 21-Day Challenge

I am so excited to start.   They are actually starting out on Monday Jan 8th but I don’t want to wait and I am going to start tomorrow.  I can’t wait.  It was very depressing when I had to put on a pair of my fat jeans this last weekend.  😦

OMG — Breathe


I didn’t feel fat
Until I saw the number
Blinking back at me

Nothing has changed
Since yesterday, except
Maybe a pound, two, or five?

Deep breaths
In through the nose
Out through the mouth

You are healthy
You are beautiful
There is nothing wrong with you

A distant voice whispers
I need to believe this


Numbers don’t lie
I am fat.

Stark Reality

I woke up dreading what I was about to do this morning.

“Do I have to?” I asked myself as I took one big breath. “Can I just go forget about taking measurements and live a normal life?”

Sure, I could, but I know I won’t be happy with the way I felt about myself and everyone around me would suffer from my unhappiness.
That’s good motivation but what pushes the most is the drive to not fail and give up. Last year I joined The Camp. The camp is a place where they promise that if you follow their instructions you can lose 20 lbs. in 6 weeks. It is a structured and rigid program that for my type of personality it suited me well. I need some sort of accountability to make me eat according to their meal plan and exercise 5 days a week.

I hate to say this but I just can’t do it on my own. I am too weak-willed and easily give in to excuses.  This program was just what I needed and I lost 22 lbs. in 6 weeks. I was ecstatic and so proud of myself and rejoiced that others were super proud of me as well. I thought this is it I did it and I won’t ever go back to being the weight I was.

I wish I could tell you that was the case but it wasn’t and once the program ended I slowly started to gain the weight back due to the holidays and other family events. I gained some weight but I was still happy with myself and I was still working out and eating relatively well. Then as time went on I stopped working out and I was surprised how fast I was gaining weight. I couldn’t believe it. I was still eating clean and it was clear that my diet alone wasn’t the answer. I went back to The Camp in May and did a 21-day detox that worked wonderfully for me. Not only did I lose weight but inches as well. I was in high heaven.

(((Fit body here we come)))

Or so I thought.

June came and went, Nov left rather quickly and now it’s December and I am at my heaviest.

My thoughts were confirmed this morning and while I am sad and disappointed I am going to use these emotions to keep me motivated and on track.

While I like the idea of having someone, whether is a place or person, motivate me to stay on track I’ve seen in this last year that this is not sustainable in the long run. People have their own lives and while the places are available 24/7 they can get expensive. So, I think I need to find a way to make myself accountable.  I just don’t know what that is right now.  😦

One more thing, I am going to put my stats here and share them, not because I want to shame myself but because I think it would help me.


I wrote this a long time ago. I need to believe this again…

Is just like me
Is my age, smiles at the same jokes, cries at the same sad stories
Walks past me and in my mind I say
Is getting fit
Believes she is beautiful but why does my mind demean her?
Is loving the way her clothes fit but why does my mind run to the way her clothes don’t look right
Is trying to change me from my misperceptions of pretty
Is succeeding
Is unique and so am I



The poet in me give me the words I need
That I can learn this simple creed,
So I may know the way of life
Enjoy the good, keep out the strife.

Self-discipline is my desire
It will keep me out of the fire,
To increase my own will power
I will not cower.

Emotions are the way I feel
Control of them, they are the real deal,
So I can reason, good or bad
Then keep the joy and shun the sad.

Imagination can light the fire
Can create a vision higher,
My conscience is my judge each day
So I can choose a better way.

In my memory, can impress
All the good I need address,
So in my mind I have power
To live my life this very hour.

Self-discipline it is my creed
And it will give me all I need,
To set the goal I can complete
So I can create a life that’s sweet.

Eat Run Drink


That’s me in a nutshell and what this blog will be about — eating, drinking (two of my favorite activities) and exercising (not one of my favorite activities) –striving for harmony.

Women and wine, in my opinion, it’s probably the closest and most fun relationship out there.
My affinity with wine is stable, strong and reliable.
Wine is always here to comfort me in the toughest of times and the most exciting of celebrations.
Whether you are drowning your sorrows from yet another miserable day at the office or celebrating your most recent promotion, you know exactly what you are doing at the end of the day — that’s right, cracking open (or twisting off the cap of) a fresh bottle of vino.

The same goes for my love affair for food. Good food is healthy food. Food is supposed to sustain you so you can live better, not so you can eat more but while in theory that makes sense to me I am not the type to want to eat to live.  You could say that I live to eat but not for the reason you might think.  I rather skip a meal or even starve for many hours than having to succumb myself to eating horrible tasting food.

Overindulging or not eating aren’t good things and I am going to try my hardest to overcome these shortcomings and strive to have a better relationship with food.

Moderation is the key!