Monday Blues

Whether or not you feel good about your eating from the weekend, It is over and done.
Every day is a new opportunity to have a great eating day and start working towards achieving important goals.
Start today, right this minute.

Enough is enough. Starting tomorrow (August 1st) I am determined to make changes.
My AP (accountability partner) had a long talk with me and one of the things that was told to me was that I needed to stop with these diets that I’ve been doing that have caused me to lose the weight fast and then gain it back once I stop eating that way. How in the long run I can’t eat this way forever and that is why I gain all the weight back (plus more).
As I listened I felt like a failure and wished I wasn’t having this conversation but regardless of my feelings it was the truth and I needed to hear it. He was right of course.

He gave me some guidelines, which sounded great, but as I go over them now I don’t know if I am going to be able to keep them. You see I am the type of girl who needs structure and routine. I need to be told what to do. What to eat and when to eat. It suits my type of personality. Left on my own accord I tend to want to break the rules by stretching it just enough to say I didn’t really cheat. Then because I feel like “I got away with it” the next step leads to cheating. After that it doesn’t take too long for me to just deviate from my nutrition plan or stop it all together.

I need to figure out a way to abide by his guidelines but do it in a way that will be successful for me. Is there such a plan out there? I need to do some research and find out.

I am not happy with how my body is changing. Last Monday, I had to take before pictures for one of my new fitness programs and I look like I am pregnant.
Where did that huge stomach come from?
Seeing those pictures caused me to be depressed and feel sorry for myself for the rest of the day. Self-destructive thoughts soon followed and I was sinking deeper and deeper into the pity hole. It was bad and I didn’t care that I felt this way. I felt I deserved to be punished by all of my negative thoughts. I didn’t tell anyone and for the most part I tried my best to hide my feelings because I didn’t want to burden anyone but most of all because I knew there was nothing I could do to change it.

Eventually, as you can see, it passed and I am feeling much better. I am ready to make the changes I need to make in order to succeed.

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