Zero Clean Days


As you can see I never came back.  I completely have fallen off and let myself get dragged.

  1. I got sick
  2. It took a while for me to recover
  3. I was overwhelmed with my son and dealing with his special needs

Etc etc etc….

I just couldn’t deal.  😦


But here I am even though for now I am feeling like a big failure and I want to delete this blog and walk away.


I just can’t do it… not completely.

  • Maybe it’s the stubborn Taurus in me
  • Maybe it’s the fact that I don’t want to give up and become a failure
  • Maybe… who truly knows but I am here.

I am not going to give up and instead make some changes.

Time to get back on track, be positive and take care of my health.

There’s a new twist in that we don’t have extra money to eat clean and I still have this whole half used cleansing kit.  I don’t want to throw it away.  I still want to do it but I can’t eat like they want me to.

I am not sure of what I am going to do.


I’ll figure it out.  For now, I am jumping back in…




Whether or not you feel good about your eating from the weekend, it is over and done.
Every day is a new opportunity to have a great eating day and start working towards achieving important goals.
Start today, right this minute.

For those that have been following me have seen that I totally fell off the wagon. I can give you a multitude of reasons, but I am not going to.

Why bother. What is done is done.

Today is a new day and I feel like I can finally take a deep breath and have the time to restart my cleanse and exercise program.

I hated that I had to stop because of work, lack of sleep, and everything else that was going on in my personal life. Now those things haven’t disappeared, but I feel like the worst is over and I now able to handle it better.


So, with that said, let the cleansing begin (again).





OMG — Breathe


I didn’t feel fat
Until I saw the number
Blinking back at me

Nothing has changed
Since yesterday, except
Maybe a pound, two, or five?

Deep breaths
In through the nose
Out through the mouth

You are healthy
You are beautiful
There is nothing wrong with you

A distant voice whispers
I need to believe this


Numbers don’t lie
I am fat.

Stark Reality

I woke up dreading what I was about to do this morning.

“Do I have to?” I asked myself as I took one big breath. “Can I just go forget about taking measurements and live a normal life?”

Sure, I could, but I know I won’t be happy with the way I felt about myself and everyone around me would suffer from my unhappiness.
That’s good motivation but what pushes the most is the drive to not fail and give up. Last year I joined The Camp. The camp is a place where they promise that if you follow their instructions you can lose 20 lbs. in 6 weeks. It is a structured and rigid program that for my type of personality it suited me well. I need some sort of accountability to make me eat according to their meal plan and exercise 5 days a week.

I hate to say this but I just can’t do it on my own. I am too weak-willed and easily give in to excuses.  This program was just what I needed and I lost 22 lbs. in 6 weeks. I was ecstatic and so proud of myself and rejoiced that others were super proud of me as well. I thought this is it I did it and I won’t ever go back to being the weight I was.

I wish I could tell you that was the case but it wasn’t and once the program ended I slowly started to gain the weight back due to the holidays and other family events. I gained some weight but I was still happy with myself and I was still working out and eating relatively well. Then as time went on I stopped working out and I was surprised how fast I was gaining weight. I couldn’t believe it. I was still eating clean and it was clear that my diet alone wasn’t the answer. I went back to The Camp in May and did a 21-day detox that worked wonderfully for me. Not only did I lose weight but inches as well. I was in high heaven.

(((Fit body here we come)))

Or so I thought.

June came and went, Nov left rather quickly and now it’s December and I am at my heaviest.

My thoughts were confirmed this morning and while I am sad and disappointed I am going to use these emotions to keep me motivated and on track.

While I like the idea of having someone, whether is a place or person, motivate me to stay on track I’ve seen in this last year that this is not sustainable in the long run. People have their own lives and while the places are available 24/7 they can get expensive. So, I think I need to find a way to make myself accountable.  I just don’t know what that is right now.  😦

One more thing, I am going to put my stats here and share them, not because I want to shame myself but because I think it would help me.

Eat Run Drink


That’s me in a nutshell and what this blog will be about — eating, drinking (two of my favorite activities) and exercising (not one of my favorite activities) –striving for harmony.

Women and wine, in my opinion, it’s probably the closest and most fun relationship out there.
My affinity with wine is stable, strong and reliable.
Wine is always here to comfort me in the toughest of times and the most exciting of celebrations.
Whether you are drowning your sorrows from yet another miserable day at the office or celebrating your most recent promotion, you know exactly what you are doing at the end of the day — that’s right, cracking open (or twisting off the cap of) a fresh bottle of vino.

The same goes for my love affair for food. Good food is healthy food. Food is supposed to sustain you so you can live better, not so you can eat more but while in theory that makes sense to me I am not the type to want to eat to live.  You could say that I live to eat but not for the reason you might think.  I rather skip a meal or even starve for many hours than having to succumb myself to eating horrible tasting food.

Overindulging or not eating aren’t good things and I am going to try my hardest to overcome these shortcomings and strive to have a better relationship with food.

Moderation is the key!