Posted in Diary Entry

Stark Reality

I woke up dreading what I was about to do this morning.

“Do I have to?” I asked myself as I took one big breath. “Can I just go forget about taking measurements and live a normal life?”

Sure, I could but I knew eventually I wouldn’t be happy with the way I felt about myself and everyone around me would suffer from my unhappiness.
That’s good motivation but what pushes the most is the drive to not fail and give up. Last year, around this exact time, I joined The Camp. The camp is a place where they promise that if you follow their instructions you can lose 20 lbs. in 6 weeks. It is a structured rigid program that for my type of personality it suited me well. I need some sort of accountability to make me eat according to their meal plan and exercise 5 days a week. I hate to say this but I just can’t do it on my own. I am too weak-willed. This program was just what I needed and I lost 22 lbs. in 6 weeks. I was ecstatic and so proud of myself and rejoiced that others were super proud of me as well. I thought this is it… I won’t ever go back to being the weight I was.

I wish I could tell you that was the case but what I strongly believed in didn’t happen at all and once the program ended I slowly started to gain the weight back due to the holidays and other family events. I gained some weight but I was still happy with myself and I was still working out and eating relatively well. Then I stopped working out and I was surprised how fast I was gaining weight. I couldn’t believe it. I was still eating clean and it was clear that my diet alone wasn’t the answer. I went back to The Camp in May and did a 21-day detox that worked wonderfully for me. Not only did I lose weight but inches as well. I was in high heaven.

(((Fit body here we come)))

Or so I thought.

June came and went and now it’s July and I am pretty sure that I’ve gained everything back.

My thoughts were confirmed this morning and while I am sad and disappointed I am going to use these emotions to keep me motivated and on track.

While I like the idea of having someone, whether is a place or person, motivate me to stay on track I’ve seen in this last year that this is not sustainable in the long run. People have their own lives and while the places are available 24/7 they can get expensive. So, I think I need to find a way to make myself accountable.

One more thing, I am going to put my stats here and share them, not because I want to shame myself but because I think it would help me.

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