Monday Blues

Whether or not you feel good about your eating from the weekend, It is over and done.
Every day is a new opportunity to have a great eating day and start working towards achieving important goals.
Start today, right this minute.

Enough is enough. Starting tomorrow (August 1st) I am determined to make changes.
My AP (accountability partner) had a long talk with me and one of the things that was told to me was that I needed to stop with these diets that I’ve been doing that have caused me to lose the weight fast and then gain it back once I stop eating that way. How in the long run I can’t eat this way forever and that is why I gain all the weight back (plus more).
As I listened I felt like a failure and wished I wasn’t having this conversation but regardless of my feelings it was the truth and I needed to hear it. He was right of course.

He gave me some guidelines, which sounded great, but as I go over them now I don’t know if I am going to be able to keep them. You see I am the type of girl who needs structure and routine. I need to be told what to do. What to eat and when to eat. It suits my type of personality. Left on my own accord I tend to want to break the rules by stretching it just enough to say I didn’t really cheat. Then because I feel like “I got away with it” the next step leads to cheating. After that it doesn’t take too long for me to just deviate from my nutrition plan or stop it all together.

I need to figure out a way to abide by his guidelines but do it in a way that will be successful for me. Is there such a plan out there? I need to do some research and find out.

I am not happy with how my body is changing. Last Monday, I had to take before pictures for one of my new fitness programs and I look like I am pregnant.
Where did that huge stomach come from?
Seeing those pictures caused me to be depressed and feel sorry for myself for the rest of the day. Self-destructive thoughts soon followed and I was sinking deeper and deeper into the pity hole. It was bad and I didn’t care that I felt this way. I felt I deserved to be punished by all of my negative thoughts. I didn’t tell anyone and for the most part I tried my best to hide my feelings because I didn’t want to burden anyone but most of all because I knew there was nothing I could do to change it.

Eventually, as you can see, it passed and I am feeling much better. I am ready to make the changes I need to make in order to succeed.

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Stark Reality

I woke up dreading what I was about to do this morning.

“Do I have to?” I asked myself as I took one big breath. “Can I just go forget about taking measurements and live a normal life?”

Sure, I could but I knew eventually I wouldn’t be happy with the way I felt about myself and everyone around me would suffer from my unhappiness.
That’s good motivation but what pushes the most is the drive to not fail and give up. Last year, around this exact time, I joined The Camp. The camp is a place where they promise that if you follow their instructions you can lose 20 lbs. in 6 weeks. It is a structured rigid program that for my type of personality it suited me well. I need some sort of accountability to make me eat according to their meal plan and exercise 5 days a week. I hate to say this but I just can’t do it on my own. I am too weak-willed. This program was just what I needed and I lost 22 lbs. in 6 weeks. I was ecstatic and so proud of myself and rejoiced that others were super proud of me as well. I thought this is it… I won’t ever go back to being the weight I was.

I wish I could tell you that was the case but what I strongly believed in didn’t happen at all and once the program ended I slowly started to gain the weight back due to the holidays and other family events. I gained some weight but I was still happy with myself and I was still working out and eating relatively well. Then I stopped working out and I was surprised how fast I was gaining weight. I couldn’t believe it. I was still eating clean and it was clear that my diet alone wasn’t the answer. I went back to The Camp in May and did a 21-day detox that worked wonderfully for me. Not only did I lose weight but inches as well. I was in high heaven.

(((Fit body here we come)))

Or so I thought.

June came and went and now it’s July and I am pretty sure that I’ve gained everything back.

My thoughts were confirmed this morning and while I am sad and disappointed I am going to use these emotions to keep me motivated and on track.

While I like the idea of having someone, whether is a place or person, motivate me to stay on track I’ve seen in this last year that this is not sustainable in the long run. People have their own lives and while the places are available 24/7 they can get expensive. So, I think I need to find a way to make myself accountable.

One more thing, I am going to put my stats here and share them, not because I want to shame myself but because I think it would help me.

What’s that smell?

The fake fruity berry scent assaulted my nose as my kid happily splashed among the rapidly growing bubbles emerging from his bath. Mind you, this is the same bubble bath I have bought for the last couple of years and I never noticed its overwhelming scent before.
What changed?  Why was I wrinkling my nose at it now?

The only big difference in my life at that time was that I was nearing the end of my 7-day juice detox.  I couldn’t believe my detox would be the cause of my super sniffer but it was re-confirmed when I went to work the following night. All was well until I got up and went to the backroom where we store our breast milk and warm it up.  It was then that I wished I could walk right out.  The “smell” of breast milk and fortifier nearly knocked me down and forgive me for all those mothers out there that pump but I was dying… yes, it was that strong and overpowering. Incredible I never noticed before.
It was all very interesting to me and it had me fascinated as I tried out my new smelling superpower on other things.  LOL

Ok, I wouldn’t call it a superpower but it was a big change from my everyday life and mostly good things came from these changes. Like when I was preparing my meals. The smells emanating from my cooking were pure heaven and not only did they smell fantastic but they also tasted so delicious.  I was pleasantly enjoying this detox side effect.

 

Then as the days and weeks passed I wasn’t so diligent with my eating habits and now almost a month later I am back to where I started.  L
Only this time I have noticed that I am having a lot of GI issues that I never had before.  Heartburn, upset stomach, feeling bloated and…. Hmmm, let’s just say the rest is TMI but you can imagine. L  It hasn’t been fun and neither has the weight gain.

 

While I am not going to do the juice detox again I do need to make some drastic changes so I can reset my body to where it was.  I don’t like feeling the way I’ve been feeling for the past two weeks.

 

Question is what?  What do I do?  Do a 21-day eat clean program, Paleo, or do Whole30?
I do not know but come this Sunday changes will be made.